Love is a powerful emotion. Some even say it’s as strong as death, and yet during this time of the year, some of us struggle with not understanding or having control of this crazy rollercoaster feeling. This week, we explore the topic of love and how it relates to our sense of freedom.
When I was younger, I believed that somewhere out there existed “the one” that was going to perfect me. Every Disney movie, cartoon, or story, was about two individuals who came together and fell deeply and madly in love with one another. They then had to overcome obstacles externally to be together. While some triumphed, others failed. But to those who succeeded, they lived happily ever after. There’s a reason though why we categorize these stories or movies as fairytales. If you’ve ever been in love, we know that it’s not so straightforward.
First, come the intense “feelings” of desire, then the daydreaming and fantasizing, and finally the fulfillment or depressing realization that it may not be. But many would say that when they first fell in love, it was like losing all control. The reason why most love stories where all control is lost to feelings don’t tend to work out is because real, mature, and lasting love is not a feeling that we can control. It’s a series of choices we’re able to make from our core values that allow us to have these strong emotions but also maintain and increase our sense of self and personal freedom. So if you’re feeling out of control during this love season, ask yourself these questions.
- What is love to me? Is it the ability to have what I want, or give who I am?
- Does my desire align with my core values of who I am or aspire to be?
- Do I feel incomplete without this person? Why or why not? Wholeness and completeness are an inward journey.
The truth is that no one can “complete” you. That’s a personal inward journey all of us must take on our own.
The Greeks had different names for love. Phileo (brotherly love), eros (erotic and romantic love), and agape (unconditional love). Our freedom when it comes to our love lives is about figuring out in what season and time each love exists and thrives. Just remember, loving ourselves is the only real key to loving others well.
