What is the meaning of life? What is your purpose? These are important questions to answer because they dictate your decisions, where you are going, and who you are becoming. Purpose can be described as the reason why you are on this earth. It is what gives your life meaning. Often we are unsure of how to answer those questions. We have a general sense of what seems to be important yet some of us feel like we are still missing something. I am a firm believer in values-driven decisions. Values can be simply defined as attributes or preferences that matter to you. The more we can align our actions to our values, the more purposeful our lives will be. The million-dollar question comes down to “How do I accurately identify my values?”
One great way to identify your values is through psychological assessments. After all, a vital part of finding the right answers is asking the right questions! Psychological tests can reveal important information about yourself and can help organize that information into understandable answers about your values. My personal favorite is the Enneagram personality test. This is a great tool to discover your personality type; it uncovers what makes you tick and why! It also reveals your personality under pressure and reveals the “dark and unhealthy” aspects of yourself. Other great personality tests include the gold standard Big Five Personality Test (e.g., 16PF, NEO-PI-R, IPIP-NEO), DISC, LIFO Survey, or the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) for starters. These are great tools to get yourself to ask some honest questions. Get to know yourself first! Though these results may not explicitly spell out your values, the answers to these tests will point to your intrinsic strengths and personal qualities. Understanding your personality will assist in sorting out the characteristics that inform your values.
Disclaimer: You may have the temptation to answer self-report questions favorably rather than honestly. Don’t answer the questions based on how you want to be, but rather on how you actually think or feel most often. Similarly, do not answer the questions in an overly negative way either. The mindset is to answer these situational questions based on how you would respond “most of the time.” Sometimes, the “first thought, best thought” mentality can help minimize overanalyzing your answers.
Then there are specific tests that reveal other aspects of yourself. Hogan’s Motive, Values, Preference Inventory (MVPI) identifies your natural affinity toward certain values (e.g., aesthetics, affiliation, altruism, commerce, hedonism, power, recognition, science, security, and tradition). Preferences are neither good nor bad. People are simply wired to care about certain things over others. CliftonStrengths 34 (also known as StrengthsFinder 2.0) by Donald O. Clifton and The StandOut Assessment by Marcus Buckingham highlight your top strengths and provide ideas on how to incorporate them into your life. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves utilizes the four domains that comprise emotional intelligence, assesses your ranking in each area, and suggests specific skills to strengthen that domain. The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey also has a short assessment to identify your level of trust (integrity, intent, capabilities, and results) and ways to improve areas of weakness. To identify your values within a romantic relationship, consider taking the Prepare/Enrich assessment, which will identify areas of growth and strength across the most important 9 domains in a relationship (e.g., communication style, sexual expectations, relationship roles, spiritual beliefs, financial management, partner style, and habits, conflict resolution, and family and friends) about your partner’s scores. My wife and I utilized the Prepare/Enrich assessment in our premarital counseling and it helped us enter marriage with greater awareness! Rarely did our conflicts surprise us because we were prepared for those issues. Whatever assessments you decide to take, the important thing is to acquire information that helps you discover your identity and values.
Identifying the most essential values allows you to mindfully incorporate them in your decision-making. Although most of these values may be nice to have, which ones are most important to you? This principle is reflected in Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages (another great assessment). Love languages are ways in which people communicate and receive love. The 5 love languages are 1) words of affirmation, 2) physical touch, 3) quality time, 4) acts of service, and 5) gifts. Now most people want to experience love in all five ways, but they are not weighted equally! Probably one or two of these love expressions resonate more strongly and if missing, you would not feel loved. For example, I am a word-of-affirmation and physical touch kind of guy. If you give me a thoughtful gift, I would be appreciative but it would not carry the same impact of affirmative words and physical affection. I tell my wife that I am a cheap date because saying “You did a great job!” or getting a hug fills up my love tank… and it only costs her a few seconds! Just as we want our lives filled with our essential love language, we also want our everyday living to reflect the values that matter to us.
Although personality tests will not tell you everything about yourself or what you value, they will give you important information to formulate those ideas. If you are wired to care more about certain things or be more naturally inclined with particular strengths, won’t you be happier doing the things that you care about and are good at? The results of these personality tests will provide a frame in which to think about yourself. It is like metaphorically discovering that you are a hammer. Imagine you have been trying to cut paper all your life. No matter how gently or precisely you attempt to cut that paper, the end of the hammer just ends up tearing it! One day you come across some nails. Bam! The head of the hammer works beautifully to put nails into the wood. The back end also does great in removing them too! What fulfillment to uncover your intelligent design and flow with your gifts! By uncovering your personality wiring, you can proudly lean into the things that make you special and work with those attributes.
The bottom line, knowing who you are requires dedication and hard work. Even if you only managed to identify one or two values, run with them for now! Keep those values in the forefront of your mind and incorporate them into your decisions. Values that truly matter will rise to the surface while inferior matters will drift into the backdrop. Take the time to identify your values because your purpose depends on them. Your values become the north star in guiding your everyday decisions, which creates authenticity and greater self-esteem. For more entries like this, please visit me on my blog!
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